Tobi Deidara and the evil plant
by SuckitLosers
Summary: Tobi likes Deidara but The bomber is unsure of how to deal with Tobi, And of course there's that evil plant in the living room! Rated M for possible future chapters and Deidara's language.
1. Evil plant

Deidara plonked himself on the couch in the den of the Akatsuki lair. Throwing his head back eye's closed. He was tired... that was obvious, but the reason not so much. He was forced to go shopping with Konan for food. Now it wasn't like he detested shopping, but when you're with Konan things get weird... She nearly leveled the place to try and get a pear! It wasn't even his turn to go shopping, it was leader-sama's! The blond let out a grunt of anger.

A shuffling came to Deidara's right. He opened the eye that wasn't covered with hair and scanned the area of where the noise had came from. No threats, only a plant that annoyed him to no end, it wasn't that the bomber disliked plants no it was just this one. He had overheard conversations of Zetsu and the plant. It was creepy but that's how the plant-man-thing worked. But no this plant was different than the others, on several occasions he had be tripped by it. When he sat on the other end of the couch it would reach out and touch him! Now you're thinking that this artist has probably sniffed in a bit too much bomb powder but that's not the case! He knew that plant was evil, it was just biding its time...

The blond sighed, seeing no immediate danger then turned his gaze upward. Where, instead of the white paint coating that he expected to see, was an orange mask with black swirls in it. The figure that was leaning over the couch looking down at the bomber did not move, did not speak, didn't even breath, or so it sounded like. Deidara stared for a moment then glared at it. "What the hell do you want Tobi?" he seethed. Tobi, the lollipoped masked man above the the young male, was Zetsu's subordinate. And annoying as fuck.

"You look tired senpai..." the man above Deidara said quietly. That made a long silence ring through the room.

Deidara sat up properly. "Yeah and what's it to you, un?" He demanded not raising his voice as he began to undo his ponytail.

The raven haired man swung his legs over the couch and took the vacant seat next to the artist. "I care about my senpai..." Tobi's voice was getting softer but just loud enough for Deidara to hear what he said. He froze with his arms above his head.

Finally he dropped his arms down and turned to stare at the lollipop. Then frowned. "Right whatever." The blond humphed as he at last got the ponytail out. "I just had shopping duty with Konan, and as you know that's a nightmare." he relaxed back into the couch.

Now after the long awkwardness that had filled the room ever since Tobi entered, a sudden brightness came into play. Apparently it was because Tobi changed moods. He suddenly hugged the blond of whom he called senpai, squeezing the bombers waist into his face. "Senpai! it'll be okay! I'm here to make things better!" he cheered.

Deidara let out a grunt at the sudden impact. "Tobi! Get the fuck off of me!" he shouted as he tried to pry the masked man away from himself. Unfortunately for him Tobi was stronger, and worse yet enjoying this. He then proceeded to glare at the plant to the right of the room he knew it was laughing at him... in it's weird plant talk...

Tobi nuzzled Deidara's side. "But I love you senpai!" you could hear the smile in his voice.

Deidara finally kicked the man away from him."I swear to the higher being that I'm going to blow you up someday!" he growled then huffed up to his room. Glaring at the evil plant as he went.

Slamming the door behind him Deidara smacked his back against the door and slid down. A light blush gracing his soft face. 'But I love you senpai!' That's the first time he'd ever used that term... he'd said 'I like my senpai!' or 'Deidara senpai is the best senpai in the world!' or some other stupid form of idiocy. But never once had he used the term 'love' to describe how he felt about the bomber...

Deidara put his head into his arm which rested on his knee. "Dammit! I don't like him! Why does it matter!" he whispered to himself. He felt something churn in his chest... "Damn!" he shouted.


	2. Morning meal

Deidara woke up to the blinding light that burst through his window. "Good for nothing sun." he grumbled at the rays of light. He pulled on his daily clothing of a black crop top and black pants. Not wanting to bother with his hair till he had breakfast the bomber swished open his door. There lying in his way to the hallway, was a small sack, on that small sack was a note. He picked it up, frowning but smiling on the inside. He knew where this had come from.

On the note was a small elementary school drawing of Tobi. On the back it read "Dear Senpai, I hope you feel better. Tobi" and there was a small heart by his name. Another thing he usually doesn't do! There was usually a smiley but a HEART? that's a pretty big jump.

Deidara opened the bag finding that there was clay inside. "Well..." he said to himself. Cracking a small smile, Tobi would always do this when he thought Deidara was depressed. He set the bag on his bedside table and headed downstairs.

He walked into the kitchen thinking that no one would be there, they usually eat breakfast where ever they please. "Good Morning, beautiful!" cheered a deep voice that Deidara was all too familiar with. Of course out of everybody he'd be the one that sits down at the table to eat.

"Morning Hidan." The blond sighed as he took in where the Jashinist sat. He was on the opposite side of the table eating waffles. Actually Tobi was there too sitting much closer to the door of which Deidara walked through. He turned to look up at the blond. "Morning Tobi..." Deidara whispered and a light blush scattered his face.

Apparently Tobi heared it loud and clear. "GOOD MORNING SENPAI!" he shouted loud enough for the next village over to hear.

All blush on the artists face died off as he glared at the noisy man. "Shut the hell up, un!" he grunted. What was he thinking, how could he ever like THAT! He shook his head as he walked into the kitchen which was actually combined with the Dining room.

There he found Sasori making coffee for himself. He turned as the younger member entered. "Brat." he said flatly. Leaving his face expressionless.

"Danna, un." Deidara chirped as he grabbed for his cereal. Sasori returned to his making of the caffeinated drink. Deidara simply ignored his coldness. He'd been dealing with it ever since he joined why should it bother him now?

As he walked back into the Dinning room area with his bowl of cereal, the blond found that Hidan was trying to lecture Tobi about his stupid religion again. The blond saw how the Lollipop seemed like he really wasn't enjoying it. "Hidan, shut the fuck up, un." Deidara glared towards the silveret.

Hidan sent an equally threatening glare right back to the blond, which he shrugged off. "Why the fucking hell should I?"he crossed his arms obviously not pleased that his rant was interrupted.

"1. We're eating, Dipshit and 2. No one gives a shit, un" Deidara pointed his spoon at the Jashinest. "So just shut up will ya?"

Hidan glared "Well excuse me but I give a shit what you're saying is blasphemy!" he slammed his hands down onto the table for emphaisis.

"Hidan, sorry to crash your little world but here in reality, we don't like to hear such things when we're eating." Deidara took a mouthful of his cereal. "Plus there are many people who don't follow your religion." the blond rolled his eyes taking another mouthful.

Hidan glared at the blond but remained silent. Tobi sent Deidara a thankful look. 'Fer god's sake, un! Make him stop!' he pleaded to whatever higher being was out there. That's when Sasori walked in. He stared at the scene, then tilted his head questioningly. "What the fuck are you looking at?" Hidan growled.

"Never mind. I was confused that you weren't talking... I thought they broke you or something.." Then the puppet stepped out the door into the hallway.

Hidan growled something about how he could be silent if he Jashin damn wanted to. But the bomber wasn't paying enough attention. He finished his cereal in the serene silence of the two most annoying Akatsuki members there were. Once done he got up to take his dishes to the sink but Tobi intercepted him.

"Tobi's a good boy!" he giggled idiotically. Oh god what none sense has Zetsu been pouring into the poor things mind? Deidara took his seat again as Tobi ran off to the kitchen with their dishes.

"Well what the hell happened between you two?" Hidan slithered into the silence.

Deidara sent him another glare. "Nothing, dumbfuck. We're just having a good day, so far." He sighed.

The Jashinest raised an eyebrow. "Okay then, if that's you on a good day with him, what about you on a good day with me?" he lowered his head onto his folded arms, looking up expectantly towards the artist.

Deidara thought for a moment. Surely he and the idiot immortal would never have a good day so this was difficult. "I guess that's the day when the world ends." he stuck out his tongue like a child.

Hidan glared at him. "No seriously dude, I wanna know."he huffed. 'Why so interested all of a sudden?' The blond wondered.

"Fine, since we probably wont have one. That'll be the day that you become my boyfriend." Deidara crossed his arms waiting for the silveretts witty response. It never came. He turned his head to see that the Jashinest had a cheshire cat smile on. Growing from one ear to another. "What?" he demanded.

For an answer Hidan pounced over the table and pinned Deidara down. "I was hoping you'd say that." He said in a seductively smooth voice.

"HIDAN! Get the fuck off of me!" Deidara yelled and tried to wiggle his way out from underneath the elder male.

Hidan pushed down on the blonds wrists. "Now that wouldn't be any fun now would it?" he smiled making his purple eyes flash like a cats.

Deidara glared at the man, as if that would help get the buffoon off of him. Then Tobi skipped into the room. "SENPAI!" he called out then examined the scene that was before him. "senpai?" he asked much more calm and quiet, almost sad.

The bomber blushed then turned his gaze back to Hidan kicking his legs "Seriously let me go!" he shouted. Not wanting to continue this scenario with Tobi in the room. AGH! What did it matter? He wanted out of the situation in general!

Hidan did not release his hold on the blond and situated himself on top of the other. "Fuck off Tobi!" he yelled at the masked man over his shoulder. This sent a twang into Deidara's anger. Though he was in no position to be doing anything but glare at the silveret who had returned his attention to the pinned male.

Before Hidan could say another word there was a release on Deidara's right hand and a snapping sound. Both looked to see Tobi standing with the Jashinests wrist in his hand, in a disgustingly bent way. "Senpai, said for you to let him go." he growled coldly towards Hidan.

Hidan sat up which allowed Deidara some movement of his hands. "What the hell?" he looked at his wrist in confusion. Then glared at the charcoal haired man. "Tobi go fuck yourself somewhere, nobody gives a shit about you!"

That made Deidara snap, though he can't recall why. He removed one leg from underneath the Jashinist and kicked him in the gut causing him to rocket back into the table. "Hidan shut your fucking mouth!" He screeched and stood as quickly as he could.

Hidan again stared in confusion, but this time to the blond. "Just because you're a fucking asshole doesn't give you the right to treat others like shit!" He lectured. Then turned to Tobi who stood there stunned. He grabbed the man's wrist and dragged him out of the dining room not wanting to have to deal with Hidan anymore.

The demented plant stood within his eye sight Deidara noticed as soon as he got out of the eating area. He sighed seeing no point in staying here he was probably gonna go and make creations with his clay, He took a step towards the stairs when something stopped him.

It was two arms wrapped around his waist. Whomever they belonged to pulled the blond back into them. "Thank you..." came a small whisper by his ear. The voice was smooth and sent shivers down his spine. The only person it could be... was TOBI? Deidara tried to turn to see if his theory was correct but Tobi's grip was too strong. Then the charcoal haired man kissed the bombers cheek, causing a flood of red to engulf his face. "Senpai.." his newly found voice cooed.

"uhhmm..." Deidara looked to his feet. Well his toes looked nice... The kiss had warmed it's way down to there now.

Tobi let go his hold on the blond. Making Deidara whine internally. Much to his conscience's displeasure he enjoyed the embrace. He turned to see that the masked man had disappeared. Leaving him alone with a red face in the hallway.

_A/N: yeah so 1. I don't own naruto :P wish I did but I don't. And Yeah I feel guilty about this chapter :( I made Hidan look like the bad guy... ((- HidaDei fangirl)) and so I'm actually surprised that I finished this so quickly :D I feel happy! Oh well TobiDei's growing on me but I think Hidan will be a major player in this too XP hope you enjoyed it, please keep reading. I like it when people read... oh and more evil plant sorry I forgot about it :)_


	3. Clay makings

Deidara sat in his workshop which was connected to Sasori's by a door and a very thin wall. The puppet demanded his own space, apparently he couldn't take the blonds art. He sat in silence working on trying to make a new c2 bomb, the mixture was down but he couldn't think of a design for it.

A sudden knocking came to the door which interrupted the artist's thoughts. "hmm?" he answered doing a makeshift job of tidying up. The orange mask popped through the door with a pleasant aura meaning that the man was more than likely in a good mood. Deidara sighed in defeat. "what is it Tobi?" he huffed out bringing his finger tips to his face.

"Tobi was wondering what senpai was doing..." he cheered merrily. The next thing the blond knew the childlike man was beside his work table kneeling down to examine his work. "So this is how you make your bombs..." he said fascinated. Eying everything on the table, before Deidara kicked him over.

"You idiot, un!" he yelled. "Who said you could get so close to my art!" he demanded keeping his foot implanted in the elder males face.

Tobi looked pleadingly up to Deidara. Causing the blond to melt on the inside but he held his ground knowing that he should never show side this to Tobi. "But senpai~..." he whined. "I didn't touch anything..." he continued his complaint.

Deidara sighed and reluctantly dropped his foot from the others face. "grab a chair if your gonna stay then, un..." he grumped as he turned from the man and avoided showing his light pink face to him.

Tobi did as he was told and grabbed a nearby fold out chair. He sat next to Deidara and watched as the blond artist worked away at the clay. He began humming which became irritating after a certain amount of time but the younger male put up with the annoyance. "Hey senpai?" the charcoal haired man sang. Deidara grunted as a response. "Can I play with the clay that wont blow up?" he asked innocently as if it were a reasonable question.

The blond stopped what he was doing and turned his head toward the man. Completely confused at the statement but shrugged it off nodded and handed him the clay that he kept to the side. The candy masked man bounced with glee which in turn made the artist groan with regret and finally made him stop.

The two worked on their clay for a good half hour until Tobi tapped Deidara on the shoulder. "hmm?" the blond asked as he turned to find a clay figure in his face. It appeared elementary to the artist and he could just barely make out that it was meant to be a person.

"It's you senpai." Tobi said lovingly as he brought it back and petted it. The blond sat there stunned that the elder male would make something as that... he figured maybe some sort of food or a flower and if it were a person it should have been Zetsu not him. He continued his silent confused stare at the childlike man till the other finally looked up to the artist. He gave a look of a smile then leaned in close to Deidara. "Aren't you pretty?" he whispered holding up the clay model again.

Deidara gave a mad blush and pushed his chair back. But apparently this time Tobi was far more determined. He set down the miniature clay version of Deidara in his chair and then grabbed onto the blonds shoulders and straddled his legs. He pushed his mask up and leaned in slowly. His lips were only centimeters away from the artists. He could feel the heat of the elder males breath warming up his face and further down though he'd prefer not to admit it.

"I love you senpai..." he whispered and kissed the blonds cheek softly. "I would never let anyone hurt you..." he kissed the blonds nose. "because you're mine." this he said with a much colder and serious tone like what he had done with Hidan in the dining room earlier this morning. The upper male then proceeded to kiss Deidara's mouth and force his way inside. He wrapped his arms around the smaller one possessively as if to give meaning to his words.

Deidara could barely contain himself, he was full of mixed feelings, half of his mind was saying that this was insane and that he should push the man off of him right now, the other half however was telling him that he should go for it. His second half won the battle of the body. He wrapped his arms around the above mans waist and he leaned into the kiss.

Tobi taking this as an 'OK' sign started to lower his hands. Then finally broke the kiss and began to kiss and nip at Deidara's neck. He lowered his hands to the edge of the blonds pants and slithered one in sliding it towards the front to the more sensitive area. 'No! Not there!' Deidara screamed internally.

Suddenly tears began to well up in the blonds eyes. Probably from the other half of the his thoughts. Tobi instantly stopped what he was doing and looked up to the artist. Sliding his mask back down so he could look eye to eye. "Senpai?" he whimpered like a scolded dog.

Deidara looked away ashamed. "I'm sorry Tobi..." he whispered. The charcoal man climbed off of him knowing that he had done too much. Deidara curled up in a ball of shame, thinking that it would've been better if they had just finished.

"Senpai... are you okay?" Tobi crouched down to eye level with the blond to look him in the eye but Deidara didn't look up. The lollipop masked man reached out a hand but the artist flinched at the slightest touch. Tobi hung his head in gloom. "I'm sorry Senpai..." he said quietly. "I went too far..."

Deidara looked up and shook his head. "No you didn't do anything wrong." he smiled weakly. "I just.." he started but then someone unexpected popped in.

A venus fly trap heading appeared between the both of them. "Pardon me if I'm interrupting" a low calm voice said.

"But we've come to collect Deidara." a more huskier voice grumbled.

The blonds smile twisted into shock. "I don't remember there being a mission today..." he questioned the man plant confused.

"There's not..." the white half started. "At least not for you." the other finished. "We came because someones calling you." he continued.

Deidara stood looking from Tobi to the head in the floor. "Well then why don't they come get me themselves? Are they just that fricking lazy?" he put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to add emphasis.

"That's difficult to do..." "when you're a frickin' plant." they husked out.

Deidara glared. He knew exactly who they were talking about. The EVIL plant in the living room was calling him out eh? Well he was ready when he was out shopping. He bought weed killer!

Tobi looked up at Deidara confused then to Zetsu then back to Deidara.

_A/N: :P spoof! almost... almost! Dx darn it i just BARELY had them :P oh well I do not own naruto in any way shape or form :/ this is the truth a very shocking truth and it hurts me a lot more than it hurts you trust me. Okay so yeah again I ALMOST got there... too bad that I was tired :D anywho the plant... it will not die, shall not die, cannot die clear? good :3 please keep reading and reviews make me happy and they encourage me to update faster! But sometimes there's school -.- something that i'm not looking forward to..._


	4. Confrontation

Deidara stomped down the stairs of the lair. A confident look chiseled onto his face and a can of weed killer hanging from his fingers. Tobi kept staring at the blond in rather amazement, probably because he switched gears so fast. But when it came to that frickin' plant, military was the only way to go.

The three, Deidara, Tobi and Zetsu, okay maybe four, finally reached the living room and that's where the bomber marched up to the devil spawn and took out his weed killer. "You see this? Don't pull any crap or I'm going to spray the whole fucking can on you!" he seethed, the plant mocked him with no response. Fucking fantastic, now he looks like a lunatic!

"Tobi, let's go get some lunch," "Yeah I'm fucking starving!" Zetsu gruffed out angrily. The charcoal haired man first looked to Zetsu then to Deidara to be sure it was okay. The blond nodded and waved him away.

The two, err- three? left the room and the bomber to his business. "You know the only reason you're not a pile of ashes by now is because Kakuzu would make me pay for any damage I dealt to the lair." Deidara huffed out threateningly. Still no response.

"Bastard, choosy plant!" the blond glared. "At least do something so I can just hurry up and have an excuse to kill ya already, un!" he grunted. Nothing.

"Bitch." he swore at the giant green jagged leaves and vines growing from the red-brown pottery. He grabbed for his can of weed killer but found that it was not there. Deidara stared at the now empty location then to the plant. "Why you..."

But before he could finish his words one of the vines wrapped around his ankle. A small squeak of terror escaped his lips, the bomber was so glad no one else was in the room, because then he'd have to live with someone thinking he's MORE feminine than he looks.

'Wait a second...' Deidara's clearer inner monologue broke in. 'THE PLANT MOVED! and I have proof!' the artists face lit up like a Christmas tree. And he stood to run into the other room. "Hey Tob-" he was stopped when the plant tugged back hard and made him fall face first to the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL!" he exclaimed turning to the plant which was now far more active than it was a moment ago. "oh shit..." the blond whispered.

It began to wrap it's vines around Deidara's waist and crawl them upwards. It also seemed to be some kind of super plant, oh well what else do you expect from a plant from hell? it began to lift the blond off the ground.

"Dammit all, Tobi! Zetsu! Help!" he yelled as loud as he could before the vines covered his mouth as well. 'Curse my lack of upper body strength.' Deidara scolded when he realized that the struggling that he was doing had no affect.

After all but the bombers face was covered with vines, Tobi and Zetsu FINALLY decided to walk in. Wait. WALK? Deidara screams for his life and those two walk in 10 minutes later like it's no big deal! What the hell he could have been dead by now!

"MMPH HRMF DERKNF, PHMPH SHFMMM UF ARS!" *What the hell, I could be dead you tards!* Deidara desperately muffled out.

Tobi looked to Zetsu, cause apparently he was some great translator. "You would not be dead." "That's just how he shows his affection." they spat out to him.

"AHEION!" *AFFECITON!* The blond glared at Zetsu as if he were playing some form of sick joke.

"yeah-senpai, though I've never seen him so attached to anyone before..." Tobi interjected finally understanding the situation.

Deidara sent out a look towards tobi that was a mix of both anger and hurt, anger for obvious reasons, and hurt, because he wouldn't come help him, sure he knew that Deidara would be fine but Deidara sure as hell didn't know that! "EH. WEEH. OWH." *Get. Me. Down.* Deidara said far more calm and collective.

Zetsu shook his head at the plant and it set Deidara down gently and rather affectionately. "Thank you." the blond said far more to the plant than anyone else.

Then he stormed off to his room, what had started as his escapade to kill an evil plant had become a whole big ball of depression, over what? a joke? Fuck that shit Deidara took it dead serious!

_A/N:: sorry it's a shortty! D;So it ended abruptly, yes. And Deidara __**might**__ be a __**little**__ over dramatic here. But it works :P And yes... I see the perviness of my ways -,-*of writing* so I don't want to see anything shit about the plants "vines" *PS I have a thing for tentacles so that's why it's there in the first place* And hey look... I UPDATED! I'm sorry that this is becoming a rarity... I'm dying of the summer heat D: but I'll try to live a little longer! GASPETH::::: I don't own Naruto! 0o0 please review I love them so :3I'll try and make the next one longer DX  
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